MINI SKIRT DETECTIVE

While checking my traffic tracker, something I do to see how people are finding the blog, I noticed the greatest search phrase I've gotten a hit on, next to "Packers Superbowl panties": Mini Skirt Detective.

I was stoked!

Seriously, lovers, if I ever rename Fashion Rihab, it would be changed to Mini Skirt Detective. There would be a detective uniform I would don while shopping and dispensing my sage advice. Most importantly, I would wear a monocle. All. The. Time.


My first scoop as M.S. Detective are the following lovelies.




Soundwave Print Mini Skirt




Jersey Pocket Skirt




Leatherette & Knit Skirt




Polka Dot Skirt

LIFE'S A BEACH

With the higher temps and plenty of errands to run, low fuss is my mantra. It doesn't get much easier than a tank dress, ballet flats and breezy vest. Cute, comfy, and kept pace with me. Also, I've been on a cupcake kick lately, whipping up new recipes and icing. Chocolate-raspberry with raspberry jam buttercream is my current favorite. Yum.











Dress: tank dress with no tag. Found on Amazon.
Flats: Forever 21 leopard print
Vest: vintage PIKO. Ebay find.
Belt: thrift store
Ring: flea market
Earrings: Target
Necklace: gifted Geneva horn
Purse: Target
Hair: Wild! That's why no headshots.

YOU DIDN'T EVEN MAKE ME COME ON

Oh, Monday. I had a rather exciting weekend and morning. Not all the excitement was good, but c'est la vie, right? Saturday was spent working and hunting for Christmas gifts. Found an amazing thrift store close to the house. Also helped Brother move new living room set into his home. Sunday was football and cooking. (And a little head cold.) All in all, pretty relaxing and decompressing.

The Green Bean, the thrift store I found, has amazing deals and well-maintained clothing. Compared to a bunch of the other thrift stores around here, which usually take everything they are given, even if it should be scrapped. And then they charge a ridiculous sum for the thing. I volunteered for my church thrift years ago, and we literally took everything, including mismatched socks and DIRTY UNDERWEAR. (Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!) And whatever was semi-good quality was snapped up by the thrift workers first. They were cutthroat bitches, hand to God.

Anyways, The Green Bean is so different from that, and actually takes some pains to look like a boutique. I appreciate that, and love some of the funky items they have on display. I highly recommend that anyone in Brevard should check it out. If you come to Florida for a vacation, make this one of your stops!















Top: The Green Bean (the only tag says "100% pura seta" so I'm guessing Italy and investing in a good dry cleaner)
Jeans: American Eagle AE Boyfriend jeans ("Hips Don't Lie" would have been a better song for the post)
Belt: Forever 21
Shoes: Michael Antonio (I've had these since 2006, I believe, when I was the supergroupie for my friends' band)
Rings: (from left) Forever 21, thrift store, Forever 21
Necklaces: gift from mom (silver) and Urban Outfitters (mixed metal)
Purse: Carryland (also from The Green Bean)
Nails: in dire need of polish
Hair: Air dried and touseled with a spritz of sea spray texturizer
Title: Lucinda Williams "Come On"




(I accidentally saved this post as a draft instead of publishing, which is why it is showing up a day late. I'll figure out this blasted posting-in-a-hurry trick some day.)

DRAG QUEEN IN A WOMAN'S BODY

I've been doing some self-analysis over the course of renewing this blog. And in just over six months, I've realized that as fas as my style goes, I am torn between tomboy and drag queen. That's one hell of a mix, for sure!



Will share as further developments occur.

CONFESSIONS OF A DRAMA QUEEN

I am not a girly girl.





I stole Dad's plunger from his work truck and insisted it was my scepter to rule over Doll Land before I started imitating Godzilla.



Never was.

SUMMER LOVIN' (TELL ME MORE, TELL ME MORE)

I never liked Sandy. Rizzo was my kind of gal. Instead of awakening a love for musical theatre, Grease awoke the calculating bitch in me. So, Sandy, Danny, thank you, but your summer loving can go suck an egg.



My summer loving looks like so:





Photo Shoot Maillot

Slap on a floppy hat, Jackie O's, neckkerchief, and turquoise jewelry, then laze on the beach sweating with the tourists and glaring at the horizon, hoping it stirs up a breeze. Yes, even in my daydreams I am ill-tempered and mildly ornery.



Pardon me while I gaze wistfully out the window.

INSINCERITY SUMMIT

Photo courtesy of CDAN.



I'm in agreement with Ent; Jessica Seinfeld and Gwyneth Paltrow probably DID air kiss and hold court while seeing who could be the most politely insincere over the meeting.




I mean, their shoes match! Different band colors, but still, SOMEONE had to come out as Queen.




As for Jerry... Darling, that belt with those boots? What on earth were you thinking? Are you auditioning to become a lumberjack?



I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok...

I WANT TO BE A CATTY, GAY MAN

Photo courtesy of CDAN.

Bless Jessica Simpson's heart. She comes across dumb as a bag of hair and more confused by other lifestyles than Hugh Jackman in Kate & Leopold. Now, I never had much love, respect, admiration, whatever you want to call it, for Miss Simpson. However, I think she is relatively harmless, as far as "celebrities" go these days. I'd rather read her dumb but funny Twitter posts and giggle at her twitpics with Gay Boyfriend Ken Paves, than hear another frickin' "breaking news" bulletin about Lindsay "Blow Hard" Lohan, Paris "Slutcakes" Hilton, any Kardashian, any Twilight twit, or reality ho bag.


That being said, she has no idea how to dress her lovely, curvy figure. I'm a huge fan of women saying "This is who I am and I love my curves and if you don't then FUCK OFF!" to the establishment, especially in Hwood, but for crying out loud, get a damn stylist! Her recent choices have left her looking stumpy, bloated, neckless, and like a Las Vegas soccer mom after a hard shift.


This romper is all kinds of wrong. It's too "cutesy" for a 30 year-old woman. If it was a solid red or coral, that would be lovely. If the shorts were longer, that would be fab. I think with the pattern, this would have to be a maxidress to succeed on her figure. As it is, I'd add a white lace-edged cami to keep it from being too "boobs and legs" desperado, you know?


Oh, Jessica.