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I am very open about my sexuality and sexual drive. That isn't to say that I throw it in people's faces, or flaunt my body for the sole purpose of advertising my availability. There are people who are not as expressive or out with their sex, and I don't want to make them uncomfortable. But if I'm asked, I'll answer honestly.
The evolution from shy Catholic schoolgirl to brash, sexual woman was a very bumpy one. Lots of weird mutations. (Darwin, holler!) Where I am at right now, I owe mostly to my rape counselor. She helped me take the times where I was most vulnerable and hateful of myself, and guide me to embrace and celebrate my sexual being. Without her, I know right where I'd be, because it has happened.
Before seeing her, I was an out-of-control flirt who was almost daring a man to try and pick me up. I went home with a former lover one night, one who I knew how he would treat me, who was gentle, and sweet, nothing like what I was fighting. On the way to the hotel, I broke into uncontrollable sobs, puked my guts out, and bailed out of the car. I called a girlfriend and begged her to come find me. It took hours for the tremors and crying to stop. The fear stuck around for weeks.
I'm still not totally past the experience, but I can function and succeed in my life. I've had lovers since my time with her, and have even managed a relationship or two. I think that because of my experiences, that I see the power and importance of owning your sexuality, before others try to define and use it for their own ends.
They won't be as careful of it as you will.
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