PEOPLE CONTINUE TO BAFFLE ME

I'm stepping out of my closet today because I'm very upset and confused, and wanted to write my personal opinion on a very serious matter that's been in celebrity gossip lately.

If you still haven't heard the tapes of Mel Gibson verbally abusing his baby mama, you are lucky. They were sickening and terrifying to hear, and I can barely imagine what it was like for her, what it still is like for her. My heart breaks for her and her children.


That being said, on most gossip articles that express sympathy for Oksana, a overwhelming majority of commentators are jumping to Mel's defense on the grounds that "she's a gold-digger" and "after his fortune, the whore". One of the sites that I frequent, a commentator actually said that she deserved everything that happened to her and that Mel should get a pass from the public. The more information I read about whatever it was that happened those months that they were together, the more horrified I find myself, and the more disgusted I become from all the Mel defenders.


Please, if I am missing something, let me know. The message I'm getting is a woman who was a abused, at least verbally on multiple occasions, and physically, at least once. Even Gibson admits to that much. Add to that, the assault on her 12 year old son and that their newborn baby was in such a negative environment. And I'm not even going to get into his history with alcohol and anger management issues. (Sugartits.)


The level of ardent admiration and vicious defense of his actions astounds me. Even Jodie Foster supported him! (I have always loved Jodie, and her declaration of support was very disappointing to hear.) I was just as baffled when Hollywood circled the petition to FREE ROMAN POLANSKI after his arrest in Switzerland. The defense of and admiration for this child rapist, excuse me, pedophile or does he prefer admirer of young girls, enrages me. However, I do not wish to get into his case.


When I read about the Gibson-Grigorieva case, I focus on two issues: the child endangerment, and domestic violence. Laws on domestic violence, to me, are strait-forward: if one partner assaults the other, that is domestic violence. There is no wiggl room to say, "well, she was trying to get a large child support payment from me, so I punched her, but that's totally cool!" or "SHE WOULDN'T BLOW ME BEFORE JACUZZI SO I SCREAMED AT HER LIKE A MADMAN FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES AND TOLD HER I WAS GOING TO KILL HER, SO OF COURSE THE BITCH DESERVED IT" or "my wife of over 20 years filed for divorce when she found out about my misstress, so I'm taking my rage at my ex-wife out on her because it's her fault I had sex with her". In my opinion, there is no excuse for domestic violence. There is no excuse to punch the mother of your child, especially not while she is holding said child. There is no excuse to threaten to kill your partner and bury them in the rose garden. None.


The reason that this issue guts me so much is because I was a battered woman. And once you've experienced another person's rage that way, it makes the whole world very unsafe. There are triggers that you have to work very hard to overcome. There is a gap between others and yourself that you never imagined could be there and have no idea how to bridge it. The violence and terror is only one area where the damage occurs, and overcoming the fear, even after some form of social justice, is difficult to achieve. Not impossible, but daunting.


In a way, I envy those defending Gibson who have no idea how traumatic being in that situation can be. I wish I was as sure of my stance and as ignorant of the vagaries of the human condition. I wish I could be smug in my position that that could only happen to someone who intentionally did something to set that rage off. Bad things can't possibly happen to a good person. (Obviously, they have never studied Job.) While I envy their ignorance of what happens in a violent relationship, I also pity them. I can't say exactly why I feel this way, and maybe it's just displacement or whatever, but it bothers me. I hope that they won't know the texture of a loved ones fist against their skin, the pain of a split lip and cracked ribs, the crushing fear and despair, the bruising force of fingers around their throat, the shame and hiding, the sickening desperation.


The defense of this man baffles me.